Last Weekend.

First of all, there'll be no language review this week because....well I only did 4/6 things on the list (conversation exchange, reading, grammar book and radio), because I was yet again very busy. The thing is that I don't actually have the right to paid holiday at the moment, because in Belgium you have to work for a whole year before you can take time off i.e. I can only take my 6week holiday for 2015 from January 2016 onwards, and if I no longer work for them, they'll have to pay me in lieu. In reality, what this means that I have to make up all the hours before or after, every time I travel. As you can imagine, I am exhausted from all the extra work because God knows February was more than crazy. Anyways enough whining for today...

In other more important news *drumroll please* T met the fam! We both left our respective cities on Thursday and travelled down to England to spend the weekend with my family, and I honestly was amazed at how loving everyone was. My naturally shy T completely opened up and really made the effort to talk to and get to know my siblings, my parents outdid themselves with all the cooking/driving/spending/etc., and my siblings...gosh, I have no words! They all told me so many times how good/respectful/sweet T was, and they made such an effort with him. At some point on Saturday, I was completely ignored while all the boys chatted football, then later on hung-out around the XBox. Honestly, I was super worried about this meeting and had been trying to put it off for as long as possible, but that became unsustainable because my parents (mum in particular) were really pushing for T to meet them. Well I'm glad to say that my fears were utterly and completely unfounded, as even the English weather cooperated! 

I stayed one day longer in England to rest, and will be going back to Brussels and real-life tomorrow, at least for a few days....I'm off to Paris on Friday for my younger sister's graduation. Hoping I'll be able to get back on the language horse this week.

Have a lovely week everyone, I hope your weekends were as happy as mine!

P.S. Many thanks to Duru who checked on me when he noticed I'd gone AWOL online. I'm fine, and the busy times are (mostly) behind me now so I'm back.  

Ma Vie Amoureuse: The Valentine's Day Edition

This is my weekend off when I'd normally visit Vienna from Friday to Monday, however I arrived here last night because all the valentine's day celebrating couples had basically caused Ryanair and all the other airlines to massively increase their fares. I had no choice but to use up one of my precious annual leave days to make sure I could get the cheaper ticket for yesterday, and because I was leaving earlier than normal, I had to make sure I finished all the things I needed to do at work. On top of this I've been quite ill, so I decided to skip my weekly language review post this week. Ironic isn't it, that I caught the flu over the weekend, just after having put up the post about being in a better state health-wise. Apparently this is what happens when you start working in paediatrics; my colleagues keep telling me that I just need time to strengthen my immune system. On the plus side, I think I've discovered the troika that is the ultimate cure for flus: rest, fruits and fluids in massive quantities, and anti-inflammatories. I recovered very quickly and I'm happy to know that I'm slowly developing immunity to every virus or bacteria known to man.

 

Ok, on to today's topic. It's the big V this weekend (valentine's day to those who have been living under a big fat rock), so I thought I'd share the story of the one and only time I "participated" in this feast of love and lovers. Hang on a minute Clara, I hear you say, only once? But Clara you are 30, how is this possible? Well I am here to divulge all. See I was that geeky girl that had zero interest in boys all through secondary school; I can remember even getting a letter from a neighbour boy and being very embarrassed about it. I was 16 at that point and hadn't even noticed that said boy was on the same planet as me and attended the same church! I remember reading it quietly in my dormitory, then laughing at his poetic use of language, I believe one of the lines was about feeling obliged to reveal his emotions "just as women had to reveal their pregnancy after 9 months." In the end I think I shared the letter with one or two friends then destroyed it. To my eternal shame, I then went back home and either fled or completely ignored the poor boy each time I saw him. 

Later, newly arrived in England, I went to school for the first time and met Dave who told me he lived near me, volunteered to help me settle in and would walk almost home everyday. It was only in our second year of A levels that I found out he lived nowhere near me, and that he'd actually had a crush on me. Me I just thought all English kids were kind and well-brought up lol! Apart from Nick, my very close friend with whom I went swimming and who I had a brief crush on, this was the extent of my amorous life until I turned 22 and went to live in Stockholm for the year. I arrived in August, met  Finnish H in September and started my first ever relationship almost immediately. Now there is a stereotype about Scandanavian men being cold emotionally, but I think the poor boy met his match in me. I remember the first time he told me that he loved me, and the horrible silence that followed, before I managed to gather myself and reply very primly "thank you." I am not the demonstrative of people, so as you can imagine, we were never on the same page in that aspect of things.

Anyway February soon rolled by, and I recall walking back from Uni after classes and seeing all these dressed up men, rushing around with varying sizes of bouquets. I clearly remember wondering who had died? Imagine my surprise when I got home to find H waiting for me by my door (having not called me to ask about coming over), holding a single rose. My people I looked at the boy strangely and asked him why he was there? Anyway long story short, he reminded me that it was valentine's day and we needed to do something yada yada yada.... I sha felt so bad about the whole thing that I rushed out the next day and bought him an inappropriately expensive perfume, in order to assuage my guilt. After that, I made sure I always sent a short "happy valentine's day" message to whoever I was dating, but that is it. I honestly never want to experience that feeling of guilt and embarrassment again.

Oya over to you blog-fam. What are your most memorable valentine's day stories? Please share. Thank you/Oshey/Merci/Grazie/Danke Schön!

Last Post for 2014....A Mish-Mash!

 Source

End of the Year

December was a very busy time for me, as I travelled a bit and then worked/hosted some guests over the Christmas period. I went to Vienna as usual in the first weekend, then Germany in the third weekend (met Jen from Ibibiogirl and visited T's family). Vicky, my Argentinian friend, arrived on Christmas eve and stayed until the 27th when Mr T got here. I was so tired from working full-time  and all the fun I had with Vicky waka dugbe-ing around Brussels, doing longer throat and eating all manner of mede-mede. Anyway by the time T got here, the temperature had really dropped and it even snowed sef, so we just stayed home and I slept a lot. He left yesterday, and I'm back to work today and tomorrow before packing my bags again and heading off, this time to mama Charlie's country (England for my non-naija readers).

My 2014 in Books

I started the year with Adichie's Americanah and it was definitely worth the hype for me. The issues that come with moving to a new country and finding yourself a "minority,"  the fight to affirm or (re)create your identity, doing the adjusting/adapting required, and merging your new culture with your home culture...these are all things that meant I recognised myself very strongly in Ifemelu and the other immigrants. On the other hand, I really didn't enjoy Taiye Selasi's Ghana Must Go. I had seen an interview of the author on RAI1, an Italian TV station, and was really impressed so I actually spent some of my Amazon vouchers on the book. Unfortunately, I was bitterly disappointed. I did not like her writing style one teensy bit.

I however liked Jhumpa Lahiri's The Lowlands, Khaled Hosseini's And The Mountains Echoed, Swallow by Sefi Atta, A Case of Exploding Mangoes by Mohammed Hanif Unaccustomed Earth again by Jhumpa Lahiri, and Adaobi Nwaubani's I Do Not Come To You By Chance. Special mention goes to Brady Udall's The Lonely Polygamist, Rajaa Alsanea's Girls of Riyadh and Lola Shoneyin's The Secret Lives of Baba Segi's Wives which I particularly loved. These books made me laugh out loud, literally  and I really enjoyed reading them. They were (in the words of T about me), "kleine aber feine!"  I also loved Christie Watson's Tiny Sunbirds, Faraway. She wrote about Nigeria in a way that was very realistic. Even though the story was sometimes sad, I felt a kind of connection with the Nigeria she described, it felt neither over- nor underdone... 

Of the 75 books I read this year, only about 12 were written by "white, mainstream" authors, and even then 11 of them talked about "others." "Atypical" situations, places and people, for example transracial adoption, immigrants and immigration, being an expatriate, being Amish, polygamy, Jewishness and the second world war etc. I am apparently attracted to and fascinated by difference and otherness...

Highlights and Lowlights

• Travelling! I visited 6 countries and 10 cities/town. 
• Moving houses 5 times between July and November. It was hectic, phew!
• Putting up only15 blog posts (pitiful)
• Improving my Italian, then abandoning it for German
• Going to the seaside once this summer with T
• Going to a European zoo for the first time (the other time was in India), and visiting the circus, also for the first time, thanks to the generosity of a dear friend
• Turning 30. I had 3 birthday parties and got many wonderful presents. I especially love my churidar, my alabaster necklace and my Aya de Yopougon comic book.
• Discovering a good naija restaurant in Paris, then moving. Now I have to find a new one here in Brussels :(
• Drinking a million aperitivos whilst on holiday in Italy
• Seeing my friend K after 8years
• Having an amazing summer with my sisters and friend, while living in another friend's beautiful Parisian flat. I so want something similar when I grow up!
• Getting my turn at the annual mummy-and-me-only holiday
• Getting my current job

I am grateful for

1. Life and health. I turned 30 this year and became a bona fide adult ;) And everyone in my entourage (family and friends) is alive and well.
2. A wonderful summer. I had the best summer of my life this year with my sisters, a wonderful sister-friend and T.
3. Christmas with Vicky, which meant I wasn't alone in a new city during the festivities.
4. The online community of which I'm part. I feel like I have made so many new friends this year! I'm thankful that I discovered the blogs that made my 2014 interesting - Duru, GNG, Ibibiogirl,  Nigerian Scorpio, Berry and Pynk amongst many others.
5. Journey mercies. Not one train/plane/road accident or incident in spite of the many many miles that I covered this year. Truly a miracle, if you think about it.
6. The most uncomplicated cross-country move ever. My move to Brussels has been ridiculously coordinated and everything has fallen into place so easily...making friends, work, finding a flat and church, getting along with colleagues and even my day to day life!
7. My job. I love it so so much! I enjoy the work because it's very different from everything I've known up until now. It is really challenging me as a nurse
8. Progress with my finances. Thanks to nagging from T and him constantly telling me off for accruing unnecessary interest, I've increased my student loan repayments substantially and have started making serious inroads into paying back my debts, slowly but surely.
9. My parents. They are finally starting to enjoy middle age, this season of their lives where all the children are more or less independent and there are no grand-kids yet. They're taking up travelling again and making plans to really enjoy each other.
10. My family-in-law. I met them this year and it seems they love me as much as I love them. I even went there alone for a weekend and things went better than the first time when T was with me. I particularly love his mum because we're very similar (it's so uncanny!) and it feels like she's a friend. Everyone keeps telling me how lucky I am.
11. My siblings. One sister finished her masters last October and did fantastically well; she got 18.99/20 and was valedictorian. She then basically gave her French university the middle finger salute by giving her speech in English. Yep, my sister is gangster like that ;) She now has a place at university for next September to do her PhD in law. My brother is doing amazing things and is going places with his new startup and little company. I feel like this year was a very important one for him in terms of making progress and knowing what direction to take the business. The baby sister loves her course this time round and has really settled into university. I'm thankful that she decided (and my parents insisted) early on that she "drop out" of  last year's hated course,  and take a gap year. She really grew up in the 9months she spent in Paris. As for her twin brother, he is also doing great at uni, working/playing hard and getting fantastic grades. My siblings are such superstars and for that I am grateful
12. Mr T. This year has been difficult, with him moving to Brussels and then Vienna, but I think our relationship has become much stronger as a result of it. We've both had to make a lot of sacrifices this year in terms of time and money so we could see each other, and it really makes you ask yourself if you truly want to be with the other person.  I know now,  for sure that I love him and would go to the ends of the world to be with him. It's been 2years of ups and downs, but our relationship (and both of us!) has matured a lot. Like good wine, it just keeps getting better.
13.  Favour wherever I go. People have always described me as someone who makes friends easily, but this is the first year I've actually noticed that it is true....for some unknown reason, people are drawn to me and want to be friends. I spent a lot of time thinking this year about why this is so, as well as trying to figure out what it is about me that attracts others. I'm certainly not the most intelligent/beautiful/cool/fashionable/whatever-attribute-you-like person in the world! In the end I figured it must be God's grace, some special dispensation, a particular blessing in my life, because I know for sure that I haven't done anything to deserve the undeserved and unreserved love that often comes my way.  I am just immensely grateful!

My Weekend in Pictures: Köln and Bad Münstereifel

St. Petersglocke, the largest of the 11 bells at the Cologne Cathedral

 

Cologne Cathedral

 The Xmas market from the roof of the Cathedral

 The Xmas market or Weihnachtsmarkt

 Supercool toilet at the Café Reichard, glass door which becomes opaque and artsy when locked! I was lucky my FIL told me about it before I went in; some woman started peeing without locking the door (she just closed it),  and I had to mime to her that we could see her through the glass! 

Nativity story in progress. The story is told throughout Advent until the 24th when the final piece of the puzzle is added...baby Jesus enters the manger.

My Weekend in Pictures: Köln and Bad Münstereifel

 At the Schokolade Museum: Shrine of the Magi

Made entirely out of chocolate! 

 Finally met J of Ibibiogirl, so much laughter!

Taking a break as instructed...

 Around Cologne, walking along the Rhine

The Cologne Cathedral

Refuelling after all that walking and laughter with Jen Jen

So I Met The Parents Last Weekend...

It thankfully did not go like this!

Source

After almost 2years of being together, many invitations, and one almost-visit, we finally bit the bullet and went to see T's parents. 

The whole thing started in a very inauspicious manner, beginning with the fact that we got our dates mixed up, with T and I booking different weekends off. Then I made a mistake when booking my return ticket, had to book another one and lost money because the original ticket was non-refundable. And to crown it all, the evening before T was supposed to leave (he was going one night before), we found that that there was an airline strike! At this point he asked me if we could cancel the trip, he said he could change his ticket and come to Paris, but I refused. Initially I felt that if we cancelled, it would take an act of God for me to ever try again. However, 10mins later, I started to hyperventilate a bit, and my superstitious side came out. What if this wasn't meant to be (at least at that time)? What if something bad happened to us on the journey? I mean you often hear of stories where people cancel their plans at the last minute and they end up being saved from horrible fates. I am usually one of the most rational people I know, so it was strange for me to have such weird thoughts! Luckily my friend (who was around at the time) and my mum (who I telephoned in a panic), together with T convinced me to get a grip and move on with the initial plan.

Why was I so stressed? It probably had to do with past experiences. So, let's step back in time (sorry, I'm an ex-avid nollywood viewer ;) )

You see I had done another meet the parents a few years ago with my then boyfriend's family, and the visit went rather poorly. They were Finnish (yes, I like my men foreign thank you very much!), and spoke practically no English. I spoke/still speak no Finnish, and the boyfriend who played squash professionally, had a tournament that weekend. Long story short, I was left alone with the family (parents, sister and godmother who had travelled down from another city!) most of the time, and so I did what I always do when stressed, whipped out my book and started reading. They initially tried to make conversation with me, but we found it too difficult to understand each other and things were becoming awkward really quickly, so I decided to save the situation by ignoring everyone and withdrawing into myself/my book. Not the most polite or elegant response I know, and you can imagine how that went down with them. In fact I can remember the boyfriend later asking me if I hated his family!

So with this kind of history behind me, I was more than a little hesitant to take the plunge this time round. Fortunately for me, things went really well. Beginning the visit with T's parents both ignoring my outstretched hand and giving me hugs as soon as they saw me, put me right at ease. The fact that they speak fairly good English and a bit of French (such a pleasant surprise!), and made A LOT of effort to communicate with me also helped a lot. Even though we were managing fine with the two languages and T translating from time to time, at one point, his dad went to find the German-English dictionary and the conversation really started to flow. They didn't seem to mind answering all the questions I fired at them, and even seemed to enjoy "gisting" with me. In fact most of the time I spent chatting with them, T was upstairs being antisocial in his room. On top of that, T's mum (and dad apparently, although he didn't cook while we were there) is a very good cook. I think I finished everything on my plate at each meal, and only complained to T later that I felt a bit greedy going back for seconds, thirds and fourths! And to top it all, they wouldn't let you lift a finger to help with anything. They kept repeating "you're on holiday, you should rest," so I listened to them and did :) . I slept, ate, went for walks and slept/ate some more. On the last day I woke up to find a hearty lunch packed for my journey home, with a second package containing the German "blackbread" I had mentioned liking so much. I was so touched by all the care and attention, and I actually began to see where my T gets his loving nature from.

The "problem" now is that T's mum (and dad) have invited me back several times. His mum kept telling me that I could come without him, and reminded me several times that Brussels is actually closer to them than Paris! She also tried to tempt me by saying we could do the Christmas markets together with T's sister and have a girls' weekend. I really am tempted to take her up on her offer because I genuinely enjoy talking to/hanging out with her, and I'd LOVE to see a traditional German Christmas market (they live in a small town), but I think it's a bit early especially with my move to Brussels, plus it might be weird explaining to T that I'm off to visit his parents without him....What to do?!

In other news, I told my mum every single detail about how things went that weekend, as soon as I got back to Paris and she became even more determined that T and I visit England very soon (she's invited us both, many times in the past). I'm sure it's because she'd like to reciprocate and show off her hosting skills too, although knowing my mum, she'll go above and beyond because this is like a competition now. Seriously, parents can be so funny sometimes. Although to be honest, I don't mind people competing to show me love hehe!

Ma Vie Amoureuse a Paris 3

December was a bit bizarre for me, relationship-wise. I had just met someone I really liked, yet I hadn't officially ended things with Fred, and two other "past people" suddenly decided to contact me!

Antoine asked if we could hang out. I agreed to see him because to be honest, I like him as a friend, I was curious about why he was suddenly eager to see me, and he was paying for lunch at a very good sushi place. I obviously couldn't decline the invitation; everyone knows Japanese food is my Waterloo! Anyway, we hung out for a few hours, laughed, had fun etc., but I spent the whole time thinking about someone else. Towards the end of the afternoon he asked me out a couple of times, and spent the weekend texting drunk messages... It was really weird that he (now that I no longer liked him!) tried hard to get us to start seeing each other again, but for me spending the afternoon together was very helpful.  I realised I was completely over him, and that was such a relief.

Ben suddenly emailed from the US updating me about his life and his difficulty in finding a job at home. He then informed me that he might be moving back to Europe. I'm not sure what I was supposed to do with that piece of information, but it was nice to know how he's doing. However, but I'm not sure how or even if to reply...

With Fred I kind of felt the relationship was over, since we hadn't seen each other since early November and were barely staying in touch. Yet, I'm a very tidy person, and as long as we hadn't officially broken up, in my head we were still together. I wasn't really bothered about the weirdness of the situation though, until I met H who I really liked and wanted to be with. Anyway, I sent Fred an email (we weren't going to see each other until the new year!) explaining my side of things, and after a few exchanges with him trying to convince me to at least stay friends, the relationship was officially over. I felt really bad about how this ended, to be honest, but I guess it was doomed from the start...

Anyway, that brings us to Hussein :)

One Friday in the last weekend of November, while helping out at my new church with the Christmas baking, I met three nice guys. I immediately decided that two of them could become good friends, but sort of ignored the third one because I thought he was with one of the girls there. Anyway because I wanted to hang out with J, one of the two guys, I invited myself along to a football match evening which happened to include H. (Un)fortunately the Internet TV channel was a bit rubbish, and we had to entertain ourselves by chatting...that my friends is when I noticed him properly! Cute but a little reserved, I thought, so after some Facebook investigation to determine his "status," ;) I asked him out on a date. Little did I realise how easy it would be to fall under the spell of the wonderful Hussein...

H who is 28 (same age as me!) and Christian; who is tall, dark and very handsome; who has the most beautiful heart-melting dimpled smile. H who allowed me to drag him to the museum for the exhibition on Nigerian/the old Benin Kingdom arts, who listened patiently and asked intelligent questions as I showed off my knowledge about Nigeria. H who teases me because I've started speaking bad French, using slangs and gestures which are very French; who once helped me go to sleep by making up and telling me a beautiful image-rich story; who often texts me using the Yoruba and pidgin English phrases he learns by bugging his friends. H who might be first guy with whom I fall in love...

I have promised to keep him off my blog for the most part, but as I think he'll be around for a while, I have decided to officially christen him on here...just in case I ever need to mention him. So anyway, he will hereafter be known as Hussein my favourite Kenyan, alias HFK :)

Ma Vie Amoureuse a Paris 2

There is no English word to describe exactly what I mean, so I have had to use the French phrase...anyway, since July/August, I've have quite a few "aventures amoureuses". Here are the stories in order of which they happened.

Bastien, French, 23, banker guy and friend of work colleagues...

We met at a birthday party. He had been to school and was best friends with one of the girls. This should have been a warning sign for me, but we live and learn. Anyway, before anything could happen between us, he had to travel for work to Japan, so in the mean while, we "talked" by email via Facebook  To my horror, I discovered that he had been telling his friend every little detail about our chats. She in turn told the other girls in her group of friends and they began to tease me and talk about it ALL the time at work, even texting me at home to ask constantly how things were  going. As someone who is extremely private, this soon became intolerable and I quickly put an end to the "liaison." It was a very short-lived affair...

Ben, Jewish-American, 25, PhD student on a see-where-my-family-came-from trip around Europe...

When I first met him, I had felt zero attraction. He was super blond, with the bluest eyes and not very tall...in other words, not at all my type. The thing is I have never fallen in love, but I've always imagined that being as opened-minded as possible, is the surest route to finding the right person. Anyway, I decided to give B a chance because he was persistent and deaf (I'm an equal opportunities kind of girl ;) ). He told me that he had a job offer with an Engineering firm in the UK after his PhD (scheduled to finish before the end of the year), and he was planning to move to Europe, so this was also kind of a reconnaissance trip. Things went well in the beginning, but as I got to know him better, I started to regret having given him the chance. He embodied every negative stereotype about Americans! He was loud, believed America was the perfect country and everywhere else was uncivilised, farted/belched in public, and was generally as uncouth and disagreeable as possible. It became obvious to me that it was going nowhere, so I put an end to it pretty sharpish. The only thing I gained from this relationship was the discovery that I am fine with having a "disabled" partner, something which would become important later on.

Antoine, French, 23, Masters student and intern at Ad agency. 

I met him at my birthday party in August, while I was still going out with Ben. He was a friend of my sister's work colleague, and he had been invited even though I knew neither him nor his friend. I didn't really notice him to be honest, but my little sister (who was spending the summer with us) later told me he had spent the night staring at me. Anyway, he left the party early and took my number under the pretext of contacting me if he found a nice club... Both my sisters and brother hated Ben, and they kind of opened my eyes to the fact that A might like me. Long story short, we went out a few times in the beginning and he was very sweet. However, I had also met F at around the same time, and he was much more attentive than A who would take days to respond to texts and never had time to hang out. He seemed to spend his time apologising, for not responding, for cancelling dates, for not having time. In the end, I asked him point blank what he wanted, and that's when he said he was being flaky because he was confused. He liked me, was attracted to me, blah blah blah etc., but wasn't sure if he was over his ex or wanted to start a new relationship. Besides, he was worried about starting something and then having to leave Paris (which he hates!) after his internship. I tried to reason with him, but realised that I didn't want to be in another ambiguous relationship, so we agreed to end things. Since then we've tried to keep up the friendship, and gone out once, but I think he is still confused. I stopped texting/emailing, because as I said he is absolutely rubbish at replying and it bugs me. Sometimes he writes, just out of the blue, in ways that make me wonder about us and what's going on in his head. To be honest, I'm not sure either of us got closure from this "relationship,"  and although I still wonder about what could have been, I've definitely moved on.

Somewhere between these guys, I also had "encounters" with many others including Matthew (English), Guy (Congolese), Francisco (Portuguese), Pierre, Pierre and Sebastien (all three French). Most were just casual dates, and I was fine with not taking things further. However, with Francisco who had to go back to Switzerland (got an internship, as an economist at the ECB) and three of the guys who were older than me, I was a bit.... sadly, even though I tried really hard, things just didn't work out. I guess the older guys felt slightly paedophilic around me :(

Anyway, this brings us to Frédéric. 

French, 22, Masters student and intern. Current boyfriend :)

So when I first met F, he was super attentive, romantic etc. I liked all these things, but wasn't very attracted to him. However, I decided to give him a chance because he was very persistent. We have been together more or less since September, after a while I started to like him but there were initially a few bumps in the road. 

First, I found out that he had lied about his age, he told me he was 23, when in fact he was 22. When I confronted him about it, he said it was because he really liked me but was worried I wouldn't want to go out with someone so young. I thought it was kind of sweet, but was rather annoyed by the fact that we started the relationship based on a lie (my sister thinks it's not that bad!). I then found out that he had been in a very bad accident when he was 20, which had almost killed him, and which had left him with multiple disabilities...cognitive, speech, mobility. They are not obvious when you first meet him, but have a big impact on his life, for example he needs to spend lots of time with various therapists. As someone with a type A personality,  he also has a crazy schedule which would be hard enough for any "abled" person to manage, school work, internship, sports etc. When you add the time spent on therapies, it becomes almost impossible to find time for anything else. Right at the beginning of the relationship, the age and time issues made me quite reticent  but I thought that if we really wanted to be together we could work things out. So to test his seriousness, I sent him a message asking if he wanted to continue the relationship or wanted instead to be just friends. He replied yes, and cited the issues which were already on my mind. For me, this was a sign that he wasn't serious, so I decided to just cut off all contact. A week later, he contacted me, apologised and we decided to give things another chance.  We've been together ever since, and I'm learning to get over my upset at the way things happened initially...I think I like him, but my feelings fluctuate. I also haven't really seen him in about 3weeks, and I neither miss him nor care. At the moment I'm taking each day as it comes, hoping I'll eventually go back to feeling secure in the relationship, but I can kind of see the end in sight, so I'm keeping my options open. After-all who knows what the future holds :) 

Post-script

I have decided that my very young face is not at all an asset. I only ever seem to attract really young guys, which I wouldn't mind in itself, except for the fact that maturity comes with age...SIGH!

Ma Vie Amoureuse a Paris

I've decided to write this post in English because it's likely to be quite long :)

When I initially moved here, I was so preoccupied with acquiring the language, starting work as a nurse etc., that I didn't have the time or energy  to date. Besides, it's pretty difficult to meet people when all you do is go to French classes, babysit and teach children. I met one or two guys during that time, from my French school (had a girlfriend, so no!) and one really lovely guy from church, to whom I just wasn't attracted...October-December was pretty dry in that sense. 

Anyway in January, I met the guy that would really "basculer ma vie" as we say in French. J was on the same programme as me, teaching at a university where we had two-week contracts for intensive English classes. Right from the beginning, he seemed really curious about me, asking lots of questions and trying to show how much he knew about Nigeria and Africa in general. Now, I'm a VERY proud Nigerian, and he is a typical European (half French, half Scottish grew up in England), so I was pretty impressed by his knowledge. He told me about how his brother had been born in South Africa, how his parents were really into African music, how he spent two years in Tanzania, and would love to go back there to work after his Masters (his reason for being in Paris). We talked about the unfair privilege sometimes accorded to white people in African societies, as well as the good, bad and ugly about Nigeria. I usually am quite circumspect about these issues, because I know many people are already quite prejudiced against my lovely country, but I felt completely at ease with him...It really was like talking to another Nigerian. We talked about Fela, P-squared, D'Banj and Nollywood all of which he loved with a passion. He took me to see exhibitions about Nigeria (not easy to find in a Francophone country), and showed me an uber-cool "world music" bar where they sometimes played old King Sonny Ade songs! We loved similar books, music (he often sent me clips), wandering around Paris and going to cool places ("weird" contemporary art galleries, clubs, antiques markets etc). Gradually, I fell in love with the idea of being with him, he seemed so...perfect. 

Right at the beginning of the relationship, I kind of told him I was just looking for a friend because I wanted to stay in Paris and he was obviously just passing through. He was also much younger than me at 23, I was 27... A few weeks later though, I asked him out and he told me he had just started going out with a girl from his university. I was so sad! Not because I loved him, but because I loved the idea of finally finding someone who seemed to totally understand my culture, my origins, and the unique result of being raised as a child of two cultures. As an aside, I have never dated a Nigerian (not for want of trying!), and it sometimes bugs me to know that I might end up with someone to whom I would constantly have to explain aspects of my culture. 

Anyway, even after his admission, nothing changed.  I became confused after a while because he never spoke about his girlfriend and we still spent entire days together, even though all the hand-holding etc. had stopped. Eventually, I asked him about A and he told me she was doing an internship in the Philippines (him, biologist, her archaeologist). I decided to be extremely careful around him after that, because I could see things becoming complicated really easily. Around his birthday in May, he asked for a Nigerian meal as a present and I promised to make him pepper soup, fried rice and dodo, clearly proof that he was getting under my skin....I had never cooked for a guy before that. After I got back from the US, we spent another whole day together just talking and wandering round Paris, and then he invited me to a "party" with his uni mates which I was a bit weird about, having decided to stop hanging out with his friends when I found out he was seeing A. I agreed to go though, because it was his birthday. That my friends, is when things started to go awry. 

First he sent me a message that afternoon telling me that A had met and was seeing someone else in the Philippines, but ended the text by telling me not to read anything into it! Then he spent the evening texting repeatedly, asking if I was coming to the party...In the light of the new information and behaviour, I decided to go with my sister, using her kind of as a cloak of protection. In the end, she left early because she couldn't stand the hippyness of his friends and because she said she could see he really wanted to be alone with me. Throughout the night he became more and more tactile even though I kept refusing his advances (we hadn't talked and I wanted to avoid any misunderstanding). Next day was the promised meal, and I brought up the text and his behaviour the night before, which he blamed on his drinking and the fact that he really liked me and found me attractive. However, he then said he was planning to try to work things out with A. In retrospect, I should have ended the friendship there and then, because as my sister said, his disrespect towards me meant that he was a bad friend and would obviously not do better as a boyfriend. I didn't listen to her though, so we kept hanging out and things  gradually deteriorated. We started arguing over emails, texts etc., even after he'd left for a four month internship in England, the arguments continued. 

Around July, I went to see my cousin and honorary big brother in Rome, and he advised me to just live my life and cut off all contact with J. I listened to advice this time, and within a few days was able to realise that even though we had loads of fun together, he would have made a crappy boyfriend. Plus I didn't love him (just the idea), and my sister hated him because she though he was ugly and not up to my usual standards :)

My "history" with J happened over the course of 6 months...until June/July. By then, I was on my way to becoming truly integrated into French society and was beginning to meet more guys. Part 2 coming soon....

So What Have I Been Up To?

Just before my last desertion, I blogged about taking my French language exams and finally starting work as a nurse.

Well that's exactly what happened. I took the TCF (test de connaissance du français) with lots of fear and trembling  because I was sure that I would fail as a result of my laziness and general attitude of skiving off classes. Luckily  all those hours of watching shitty French TV and reading every material I could get my hands on, helped. I passed the exams, getting a C1 (B2 is the required level) and managing to save myself a fairly expensive 230€ resit! After a lot of hassle,  I was able to register myself as a nurse...French administrative (in)efficiency is a subject for another post. 

Anyway, to celebrate  I pierced my nose and took a well-deserved holiday, managing to fit in a very tiring but incredibly fun 2 week road trip around dixieland (southern USA). 

On returning home (feels strange to call Paris that!) I started looking for jobs and after a few false starts found something at a psychiatric hospital in what was surely the hardest three months of my life. I was working in an environment where I had no experience, with protocols/equipment/medicines which were often very different from what I had used in England, and in a totally new language. Trying to communicate in French, in medical French, with psychiatric patients who used lots of slang and were often delirious was DIFFICULT! Luckily I survived the contract, and I  was able to discover a previously unknown aspect of nursing which I love. I work in a new hospital now, in acute psychiatry (even more "difficult") and I am thriving. 

In the middle of all this, we managed to find a flat and moved from one of 11m² (11!) to a much larger, prettier 54m². We each have our own rooms and my sister can now shut her door when she gets tired of me running around naked. Best thing about the flat though,  is the living room with a canapé-lit, which allows us to have people over. The stream hasn't really stopped since we moved in, in August! Although we love having people, I'm hoping things will slow down soon, because we're tired and I need to hibernate for the winter.

So anyway, at the moment I'm loving my job; although looking for something much closer to home, I've started learning Italian, and I'm back to singing in a choir (we're doing Dvorak's Stabat Mater).

In other news, I have been dating A LOT! Not sure why, but I seem to be very popular here in Paris, although that hasn't equalled finding "the one" or one of "the ones." I'll probably do a post on the craziness that has been my experience of dating in Paris...

Allora, baci e buona giornata a tutti!